I woke up in the wee morning hours and was suddenly gripped by anxiety.

What if I'd made a huge mistake, bought those tickets to Tokyo on impulse, couldn't go there for whatever reason, couldn't cancel, would lose a big amount of $$ in the process ?

What if, because my dream of going to Japan suddenly came true, I'd be punished by some evil forces which would make our plane crash ?

What if, while I was away having fun with Thierry, Tibi & Poohie, something horrible happened to a loved one ?

I spent a couple of hours gripped by a panic attack. I tried to reason myself, but it's nearly impossible in those moments. I eventually realized that I simply felt guilty as usual when I have fun (or when I eat). I always expect some form of punishment to befall me when I'm happy.

Luckily, I've got so much work to do before leaving that I won't be able to torture myself too much. Except at night, maybe.

Blythou out.