Seeing all the pictures of the girls having fun in Tokyo makes me realize how much I would have loved to join them but of course, me being a fucked-up, twisted, neurotic nutcase, I'd rather die than admit it. As usual, I hid under all sorts of excuses. Why ?

Because I'm just unable to have fun.

Especially girly fun. You know, the kind. I get antsy everytime I feel like I'm wasting a minute of my precious time (which I won't use anyway), I can't relax, I don't do things girls do (spend hours shopping for dolls, eat candy, you get the gist of it)... Yet, I'd looooove to be able to do it once before it's too late, before I'm too old to pretend I'm a girl and not a woman.

I'm such a sorry waste of oxygen, sometimes.

Blythou out.

I've been back from Tokyo for a week and I'm already working my butt off !

I'll try to do a proper vacation post over the week-end, though... And a proper life update after that.

Blythou out

The title says it all. Sushi Warhol will finally come with me to Tokyo. I wanted to take Blythou, but I freaked out at bringing a KB all the way to Japan. And Blythou wants to stay at Rude Manor in order to keep an eye on all the little ladies and make sure they don't drink *all* the booze.

I packed her stuff relatively quickly. My criteria for picking stuff was to take mostly handmade stuff that my friends have given me through the years. It'll be a nice way of taking photos of all those great outfits I have enjoyed but not photographed yet. I'm afraid I haven't taken any crocheted top from Lula, but they're not warm enough for winter. I hope you won't be mad, AG, but I don't want Sushi to get sick with a bad case of the sniffles and sneeze in my green tea.

I can't believe I'll have 10 whole days off in a row. I've just enjoyed a half day off work and... I'm *almost* feeling restless, so I've cleaned, reorganised a closet, surfed the net to accumulate addresses, etc.

I think I know why I enjoy drinking : it's the only thing that enables me to relax ;-)

Blythou out.

I've just spent 10 mins. on the phone with my very enthusiastic publisher who's been praising my Survival Guide For The Rock'n'roll Girls book (or in French "Guide de survie des filles rock'n'roll"). Apparently, everyone around him is also happy with it, think it's witty, etc. He's already planned plenty of things for the book, including a photoshoot with me (my friend, Travis, who's book I've worked on will be behind the camera), with a hairdresser and a make-up artist... I'd better not pile on weight in Japan ;-)

And everyone at my publisher's loves the wonderful illustrations done by French artist Colonel Moutarde. She's even designed a little paper doll that you can dress with rockin' clothes... Somebody's going to play dollies when she's got spare time, which isn't soon, because I have a 6 page article to finish and then I'll pack and fly to Tokyo.

Sorry for the "I'M SO HAPPY EVERYTHING IS SO WONDERFUL" post, but I thought it'd be a nice change from my usual grumpiness.

Oh, and when I come back, I'll start translating another book. I don't plan on slacking in '08.

Blythou out.

Last night, I dreamt I was in Tokyo. I'd just landed there and already, Tibiloo and I were going shopping in some weird underground mall which looked like something out of Mario Party, the wii video game. And there was a store which only sold Moomin stuff, which I immediately checked out, with my Snorkmaiden stuffed toy to which I was talking. Oh, and I bought her candy.

Weird ?

No, not that much if you think of it. I'm going to Tokyo around the same time as Tibi and Poohie. I could pretty much see us hitting the stores as soon as our planes landed. And Tokyo sounds like the sort of place where you can find a Mario Party themed shopping mall with a Moomin store... Oh, me talking to a toy ? Well, it happens all the time. I mean, I sometimes talk to the apple I'm going to eat.

Why do I dream such boring dreams, I'd like to know...

Blythou out.

I woke up in the wee morning hours and was suddenly gripped by anxiety.

What if I'd made a huge mistake, bought those tickets to Tokyo on impulse, couldn't go there for whatever reason, couldn't cancel, would lose a big amount of $$ in the process ?

What if, because my dream of going to Japan suddenly came true, I'd be punished by some evil forces which would make our plane crash ?

What if, while I was away having fun with Thierry, Tibi & Poohie, something horrible happened to a loved one ?

I spent a couple of hours gripped by a panic attack. I tried to reason myself, but it's nearly impossible in those moments. I eventually realized that I simply felt guilty as usual when I have fun (or when I eat). I always expect some form of punishment to befall me when I'm happy.

Luckily, I've got so much work to do before leaving that I won't be able to torture myself too much. Except at night, maybe.

Blythou out.

Was I drunk ?

Was I elated because I was spending an afternoon with friends and Baby Margaux ?

Was I pressured by my friend Ginger ?

Was I pressured by Tibiloo ?

Was I encouraged by my LJ friends ?

Was it a combination of all that ?

Anyway...

I've just bought two tickets to Tokyo this afternoon ! Departure on 1/19, return on 1/30...

YIPEEEEEE !!!!!!!!!

Blythou out.